Same people, different place: Part Two

The Lad
This familiar temping character is impossible to ignore; he flaunts his disdain for the job at every opportunity, and so rarely lasts beyond the first three weeks. The Lad in any of his various incarnations can be recognised by the stock anecdotes which his conversation consists of. These will invariably fall into the categories of: Drunken Banter, Drunken Exploits, Drunken Misadventures, and Drunken Sex. This sequence will be repeated ad nauseam. NB: The recurring motif of 'Drunkenness' may well be specific to The Scottish Lad - further research is required before this point can be settled definitively. It is also important to recognise that The Lad's conversation may seem initially to encompass a broader cultural spectrum, due to his liberal references to film and television. However, do not take this initial impression at face value, as further investigation always exposes the fact that these references do not signify any sort of individual opinion or critique but are merely meaningless reiterations of the relevant catchphrases from said televisual works.

The Bitch
The Bitch is characterised by a seemingly obsessive desire to recreate the conditions and experiences of high school. She pursues this aim with a single-minded persistance, and any attempts to thwart her will meet with a blind fury. She is all the more dangerous as her determination to create exclusive cliques among the temps is such that she will not recognise boundaries, and often strikes out at either the temp agency or the company she is working for. For this reason, her reign is usually volatile. While it can be tempting to attempt to side with The Bitch and so avoid the sniggers and frosty silences which characterise her enmity, the consequences of this can be unpleasant. A bitterness and anger lie at the heart of all The Bitch's endeavours and these emotions are both difficult to feign and painful to experience.

Same people, different place: Part One

Every temp who has worked on several different placements will remember the moment that realisation hit. Not so much the revelation that training will always be patchy at best, supervision limited, and the rights of the temp worker non-existent - although these are indeed truths about employment universally acknowledged - but rather the realisation that across each separate placement - albeit in entirely different sectors, with entirely different companies - you have been working with the exact same people. Sure, you may be sitting next to Rachel instead of Ruth, Sean's hair might be slicked back with Wella instead of VO5, but the essentials remain as unchanging and immutable as the Monday morning despair.
You will be surrounded by a gallery of recurring characters, each of whom I intend to examine in detail over the next few days of Real-life Observation. Stand by for nail-biting exposes, including; The Swot; The Old Git; The Lad and The Bitch, among others!

Death by Corporation

Tomorrow will be my first Dress-down Friday as a working woman. When I was unemployed I felt as if each cumulative day saw the erosion of a tiny bit more of my self-esteem. Logically, I knew blah blah blah recession, everyone in the same boat yada yada yada. Not my fault my graduation coincided with such a shitty economic period. Yet each morning it was as if the squidgy mozzerella ball of my soul had in the course of the night been savagely attacked, beaten and left for dead by the rough side of the cheese grater. I felt raw and somehow lessened.

I'm sure you can predict the ending to this story. Yup, I have a job now and kinda wish I didn't. The idea that tomorrow is meant to be this big fucking treat - ZOMG we get to wear jeans, forget that £38.50 you owe me, I'll do it for free! - makes my throat constrict. Of course, I guess the really sad thing is that I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow - dammit, I want to wear my jeans...