Today is one of those days in which I seem to be failing spectacularly at adulthood. Not failing in an inconsequential, hilarious way but failing in big, scary, one-step-from the gutter type ways. The first thing I miss on these days is living with my friends and not my boyfriend, who is ridiculously successful at everything he puts his mind to. He cannot sympathize with failure and is so optimistic that he rarely even recognises it for what it is.
Failure feels to me like really terrible period cramps coupled with the type of anxiety that mkaes it difficult to breathe. It is mainfested in sweaty palms and teary eyes. It is intensely physical and at the same time it sucks me into a mental fog difficult to see a way out of.
I can deal with all of this under normal circumstances, but at the moment I feel as if my life is totally lacking in normal - I'm lost and I don't know where I'm going, so every failure seems to loom large on the horizon.
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